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Good advice.
The Rule of 3s
My Rule of 3s goes like this: Give it three dates, three weeks and three months to see how things go with someone before you get overly attached and start planning a future together. Read on for why…!
What kind of relationship do you want?
One of the biggest mistakes I think we make in dating is thinking that everyone you connect with is looking for the same thing you are, especially if the thing you are looking for is a long-term relationship. My solution? Ask the people you are communicating with what is it they are looking for and if it's not what you're looking for you can decide to look elsewhere, no frustration required.
Who are your #Relationship goals?
Sometimes we can look to people outside of ourselves for inspiration. But sometimes we look to others as a source of comparison, which may not feel good and, more importantly, Sometimes we can look to people outside of ourselves for inspiration. But sometimes we look to others as a source of comparison, which may not feel good and, more importantly, is probably not helpful. This is what we call 'compare and despair'. If you find your thoughts wandering to what other couples seem to have ask yourself: what is it you want more of in your own relationship, or future relationship? What do you think is missing? And how are you standing in your own way to get it?
Dating is like watching Netflix
Do you get mad when you watch a little bit of a new show or movie and decide you don't like it? Do you get upset when you didn't really love a show but you kept watching it anyway? Do you get mad when your favorite series ends and you spent all that time watching it?! Of course you don't.
Because shows begin and then they end and we don't question the time we invested in them.
The same can be true with relationships.
Read on to learn more.
You can like them but also not want to date them
Did you know you can like someone and care about them and not want to date them? Notice that all of those things can be true. You can have a connection with someone and care about them AND still decide you don't want to be dating them. People might be disappointed when we say we don't choose them anymore. And that is okay, it is all part of the process. Nothing has gone wrong. We are not obligated to keep dating every person we have a 'connection' with. And they are not obligated to keep dating us.
Dating is like the paper clip challenge: there’s always a high value trade ahead
Are you familiar with the paper clip challenge?! It started in 2004 with a guy named Kyle MacDonald who set out to trade one red paper clip for higher value items over and over until he had a house. And he did it in one year and only 14 trades!
And this got me thinking... Dating is a lot like the paper clip challenge.
Don’t start at the top of the mountain
Everybody seems to want to start at the top of the mountain! How often do you meet someone and within days or weeks are thinking "He's perfect!" "He's amazing!" "We really hit it off!" "He could be the one!"
The One?!? THE ONE?!?! It’s too soon to tell!
If you’re doing that, you're starting at the top of the mountain. And when you start at the top of the mountain, the only way to go is... down.
Is your relationship (or job) complete?
How do you know when it is the right time to leave a job or a relationship? How do you give yourself permission to breakup, move on, or decide your current circumstance no longer suits you? You just decide.
Most of us are conditioned to believe we have to have a 'good reason' to make such decisions. You don't have to have a good reason to change jobs or change relationships. You can just decide that the one you are in is 'complete.'
The #1 type of person I don’t go out with
You're heard of The One Before the One? Well, I was becoming the One After the One. I learned a lot from that experience. What I have noticed is this: newly single, newly separated (or not even separated yet!) and newly divorced men are not ready to be dating. At least not in a meaningful way that might lead to a relationship. If you want to get out and have fun, go for it! If you want to date for a relationship, you need to be a little more discerning about where you spend your time.
On looking for the ‘perfect’ match
One of the biggest mistakes I think women make is deciding after a couple of dates or a few months of dating that the person they are seeing is 'perfect.' But what happens next is usually heartbreak when this amazing person turns out not to be ‘perfect’ after all. What is the solution? Read on.
‘Ghosting’ is not a problem
Let's talk about 'ghosting'! Presumably everybody's least favorite part of online dating. I see so many posts of women in the different Facebook groups I am in or coaching complaining about being ghosted. I get it. It sucks.
... but does it?
Urban Dictionary describes 'ghosting' as: When a person cuts off all communication with the person they're dating, with zero warning or notice before hand. My question is: why is this a problem? Seriously.
Why I don’t go on ‘first dates’ and what I do instead
I no longer think about going on a 'first date.' Why? Because first dates traditionally are filled with a nervous energy and a lot of expectations placed on how they should go and what they mean and what will happen after. After having too many disappointing Saturday night dinners out when I would rather have been home, alone, or doing something, literally anything, else, I rethought how I approached first dates. What I do instead is go on a 'meetup."
Do you know what you are looking for in a partner and relationship?
Are you dating and looking for a partnered relationship? When you meet someone do you think “I’ll know if it’s a fit when I meet them?” If that’s the case, you’re approaching dating wrong. You need to know what you want so you know it when you see it.
Dating apps are NOT actually the worst!
Do you find yourself saying "I hate dating apps!" or "I'm so sick of dating apps!"? If you're feeling exhausted with dating apps, the apps are not the problem. The apps provide a solution. How you're thinking about them is the problem!
What is shame and what can you do about it?
What is shame? It is the feeling of distress that stems from believing there is a ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to do something and that you are doing it wrong. This is not a helpful emotion. Here’s what to do instead.
Why are you in a rush to get into a dating relationship?
Why do women often rush into dating relationships? We don’t do this with friends or work colleagues. Only in dating do we think the connection should be instant or it might not work. I disagree and here’s how I slow things down.
Confusion is a lie
You think you’re confused. Confusion makes you feel stuck and unable to make a decision. You’re not confused, you’re scared. Here’s what’s really going on.
Why asking ‘why?’ is not a helpful question
Women spend a lot of time wondering ‘why?’ a guy did or didn’t do something. This is never a helpful question because it only leads to rumination and feeling stuck - not any good answers.
Are you ‘dating’ someone you’re not actually DATING?
Are you in an intimate relationship with someone that feels like dating… but you’re not actually DATING? See why I think that is a bad idea.
Should I send a follow up text?
Wondering if you should send a follow-up text after a first date? Here’s my take…