The Rule of 3s
Are you familiar with the 5 by 5 rule? It is this: If something won't matter in five years (or 5 months), take a pause and don't spend more than 5 minutes worrying about it.
That's a great rule, and I have one more to offer you for your dating life. It is my Rule of 3s and it goes like this: Give it three dates, three weeks and three months to see how things go with someone before you get overly attached and start planning a future together.
Why?
Can I just say… “Trust me on this one!”?!
But, if you need more reasons, here are three:
Three dates: I hear so many women deciding so many things about men they haven't even met yet just based on their dating app profiles. Or going out on one date and saying, “He checks so many boxes!!” Squee! Hear me out, you need to spend some time with someone. You need to see them in a few different environments. You need to see if they make plans or flake on plans. You need to see if your interest grows or wanes with each meet up.
Three weeks: Much like the three dates rule, give it a couple of weeks to see if things grow or fade. Guys who come out of the gate fast and hard (no pun intended, unless it fits) may not make it three weeks. Stop getting so attached so fast. Give it a minute and see if they're still around in a few weeks.
Three months: This might be the most important one. I have seen time and time again people planning their futures with someone they have known for 6 or 8 weeks. If you're 35 years old, that is 0.0032% of your life! Less if you're older. I have found and seen in talking to lots and lots of people that three to six months is about the time when things might get more serious or one of the people might decide it's not a good fit long term. And that makes sense. By then the newness is wearing off and reality is setting in. Jobs and kids and schedules might be trying. Personality differences are showing themselves more clearly. Before you are all in on someone, give it a few months to see how they show up. And remember that the commitment level of a long-term partnership might take more than a couple of months to develop.
My last piece of advice is to remember you might date someone for a few weeks or months and then stop dating. People date and then they break up. It's all part of the process. Nothing has gone wrong! We need to let go of the expectation that if you date someone for a couple of months it is supposed to be forever because that just isn’t the case most of the time.
This is not directive to hold back or try not to get your heart broken. Rather, it is a suggestion to slow down and see how things develop before you start imagining a future with someone you've known for 0.0032% of your life.
You'll have a lot more fun if you do, I guarantee it!
