People pleasing is a lie

People pleasing seems like the nice thing to do. But it's not nice - for you, or the person you're trying to please.

Let me tell you two reasons why. 

The first is this: People pleasing is an effort to make other people happy, often at your own expense. If you're always saying ‘yes’ to appease someone else, you're often saying ‘no’ to yourself and your own wants, needs, values and desires. 

Take a minute to consider how this shows up in your own life and relationships. What are you saying yes to and who are you trying to accommodate when you'd rather be investing your time and energy into other things? Then ask yourself, “Why am I more concerned about this person's feelings than my own in this situation?” People pleasing generally only serves to keep someone else happy for a moment until the next thing comes along that you are expected to capitulate to. What would it look like if you decided to prioritize yourself without trying to make everyone else happy all the time? 

Here's the second problem with people pleasing: It's a lie. You're lying about how you actually feel about someone or doing something. Let's take dating as an example. If you continue to date someone you don't really want to keep dating in an effort to not hurt their feelings in the present, you're actually being more unkind by leading them to believe you are interested to a level you actually are not. You're trying to be nice, but actually are being dishonest and lying about your intentions. You're giving the other person signals that your relationship is headed in a direction you might not want it go. Ask yourself, “Why am I not being honest about my feelings for this person or about what I want in this relationship?” Consider that being honest about your feelings now might be the kindest thing you can do, rather than kicking the can down the road for several months when they may feel even more connected to you. 

People pleasing is a lie and is a distraction that takes us away from reaching our goals - in life, and in relationships. 

What kind of people pleasing are you doing inauthentically that it is time to let go of?