On looking for the ‘perfect’ match

One of the biggest mistakes I think women make is deciding after a couple of dates or a few months of dating that the person they are seeing is 'perfect.'

I see this soooo often: Women get so excited about a list of attributes someone has and they have declared that he is so amazing and omg....! Omg! OMGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

But what happens next is usually this: heartbreak when this amazing person doesn't want to keep seeing them. That's the Bad Part, Part I - not dating the Most Amazing Person Who Checks ALL My Boxes!

The Bad Part Part II is worse. It's the thoughts and rumination that follow: that something is wrong with you if Mr. So Amazing doesn't feel the same. It's the scarcity thinking that there will never be another Mr. Amazing that comes along. It's the idea that he checked sooooo many boxes and so the loss is even greater than if you just broke up with someone who is kind of 'average.'

And so it goes, the cycle of thinking people are amazing and then when it doesn't work out falling into despair at the loss of potential with someone amazing only to do it all over again.

Does this sound familiar to you?

Here's the good news: you don't have to stay in the spin cycle.

How do you get out of it? I'm glad you asked!

You start by not deciding that a person you just met is 'perfect' or 'perfect for you.' Period.

Start doing that immediately. Give people a minute to show their true colors. Give them time to see what parts of their personality shine and which parts are dark or dull. Just because they meet your pre-determined list of criteria doesn't mean they will be a good match. And no one is perfect, period. Believing that is true will only lead to disappointment later when you find out they are human too.

No more putting people on pedestals!

Second, you decide that this has nothing to do with you.

You don't take it personally that Mr. Amazing didn't pick you. You let go of the idea that dating is hard and terrible. You work on your own thoughts around scarcity thinking that someone else amazing won't be coming right behind them. You ask yourself why it is so important to you that you want to call someone 'perfect' that you've only known 0.0000043% of your life. What does that even mean? And why might it not be helpful? And you accept the fact that all of this is leading you on your own path to grow into a meaningful relationship with the perfect person for you.

I want to help you have a better, calmer, more fruitful experience with your dating and relationships. I will help you get through the muck so much faster than if you do it on your own. I got you!