On a funeral, napping, and people pleasing

I went to a funeral last week for my uncle who passed away. It was three hours away in a tiny speck of a town in Iowa. My uncle was a long-time pharmacist, had four children and was loved by all. On the way there I was listening to a podcast about resting.

And the confluence of these two things got me thinking...

The priest recounted the following story from a book called Who Will Cry When You Die? He basically said this: When we are babies, we come into the world crying and everyone around us is happy. When we die, we should leave with a feeling of peace while those around us will be crying at our loss. His homily was about being a good person in service to those around us in life so that we are missed when we are gone. Like my uncle.

On the drive over I was listening to Glennon Doyle's We Can Do Hard Things podcast and this episode featuring Tricia Hersey from the Nap Ministry. It was soooooo good, I highly recommend you give it a listen. Tricia promotes rest as a form of resistance. The episode traces the current hustle and grind we-need-to-be-productive-all-the-time culture to the roots of slavery, white supremacy, capitalism, and trying to turn humans into working machines.

So what do my uncle's funeral and the nap podcast have in common? It is this: I think we need to let go of the need to people please in order to have everyone cry at your funeral when you die. Women are socialized to believe our value is in serving others. That we should always be busy, that we are never allowed to rest. That we are supposed to be giving, giving, giving and going, going, going. ALL THE TIME. Tricia and her Nap Ministry are here to remind us there is another way. That your divine being does not have to earn your rest. That you are allowed to say no to projects and people that aren't aligned with the kind of life you want to create for yourself.

My sweet uncle did live in service to others in a lot of ways. However, I know he also took time for rest. He collected giant rocks and antiques. He gardened and had over 100 varieties of flowers on his land. He was present to his wife and children.

Listen to the episode and let me know what you think about rest as a form of resistance.

I love for your humanness. Let's be human beings, not human doings, together.