Is your relationship (or job) complete?

Nov 5

How do you know when it is the right time to leave a job or a relationship?

How do you give yourself permission to breakup, move on, or decide your current circumstance no longer suits you?

You just decide.

Most of us are conditioned to believe we have to have a 'good reason' to make such decisions. That these are 'big' decisions. That we have invested so much time and energy into that company or person we really have to have a really good reason to move on.

Maybe you've thought something like:

It's not that bad
We've been together so long
I don't want to start over
It will get better, it always does
I have a lot of friends here, or we have a lot of shared friends

What is often behind these types of thoughts is a couple of things:

First, we think things have to be bad before we are allowed to make a change. That is absolutely not true. Why would you want to wait until you're really suffering to make a change? And how 'bad' is bad? Why were we taught that suffering is the only way to redemption (I'm looking at you religion and patriarchy!).

Second, we are afraid of what life on the other side might look like. Who would we be if we leave that position or relationship we've become so invested in? What is our identity or role apart from how we are identified by our relationship or our work?

Finally, we are too often concerned with what will people think. What will they think? And why do we care what they think? Usually what we're worried other people will think is something we kind of think about ourselves: I should stick it out, I should try harder, etc.

But all of those are just judgments that aren't actually true and they definitely aren't helpful.

What is helpful is paying attention to your thoughts. Notice where your self-limiting beliefs are coming up. Notice where 'they' or 'society' says you should 'stay' but maybe that isn't aligned with what you know to be in your own best interests.

You don't have to have a good reason to change jobs or change relationships. You can just decide that the one you are in is 'complete.'

I have left many jobs and careers and reinvented myself throughout my career. Most of my past relationships were actually really good ones more or less. Even my divorce - which was one of the hardest things I have ever done - was also one of the best decisions I have ever made. Same with giving up my law career (which I am still paying for via my school loans, by the way) was also a great decision for me. In each case, my relationship, or relationship to my work was complete.

You get to decide.

If you're feeling stuck in making the decisions to create a life you love, I would love to help you.