You can like them but also not want to date them

Dec 20

I was talking to a friend recently who is new to the dating scene after being married for 25 years. He has been dating a woman for about a month and they had a very quick and deep connection. He knew he had to break up with her but didn't want to break her heart because she had already professed how into him she was (maybe too into him) and he knew she would be devastated.

He said, "I feel like a jerk. I feel terrible. I don't want to hurt her feelings."

I asked, "Did you feel a connection with her?"

"Yes."

"Did you care about her?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to keep dating her?"

No.

And then I said, notice that all of those things can be true. That you can have a connection with someone and care about them AND still decide you don't want to be dating them.

I told my friend there is nothing jerky about that, and he had nothing to feel bad or guilty about. He had showed up sincerely and honestly and then decided this person was not a great fit long term and he still had a lot of personal growing to do post-divorce.

People might be disappointed when we say we don't choose them anymore. And that is okay, it is all part of the process.

Nothing has gone wrong.

We are not obligated to keep dating every person we have a 'connection' with. And they are not obligated to keep dating us.

And while we might feel bad for hurting someone's feelings, you have to know that every adult is responsible for their own feelings and part of putting yourself out there might include feelings of happiness (yay!) but also sometimes feelings of sadness.