Dating apps are NOT actually the worst!
How many times a week do you tell yourself or your friends, "DATING APPS SUCK! I HATE DATING APPS! I AM SOOOOO SICK OF DATING APPS!"
Dating apps, my friend, are not the problem.
Your approach to using dating apps is the problem.
Hear me out.
Never before in the history of ever has it been THIS easy to meet new people. NEVER. Aziz Ansari wrote a book called Modern Romance which highlighted, in part, the history and geography of who people dated and married in different eras. I gave my copy away but the one of the main takeaways was this: Back in the 'olden days' people were so limited in their options. In the really old days, you were most likely to marry someone that lived within a mile of you. Then it was like 5 miles. Then 20. Now you have the option of meeting people from literally all over the world.
So what is the problem today? Not enough choices and too many choices. And the constant swiping. And getting a conversation going and then it fading out or the other person unmatching. And starting over, over and over again....
But why is that a problem?
Dating apps are meant to be a method of introduction. That's it. You can get 'introduced' to someone from the comfort of your couch while watching Netflix and eating snacks without having to get dolled up and get hit on at a bar by a stranger you're not interested in. This is amazing! And you have the added bonus of actually having some information about the person you're about to start chatting with. Win / win!
"But it's exhausting!" you say.
If you're exhausted, take a break. But also notice that the dating app itself is not making you exhausted. It's your thought that the work of using the dating app (and the excitement and let down of meeting new people) is exhausting.
So how can you enjoy using dating apps?
Limit your swiping and responses. I limit my swiping to once or twice a day. And only respond to messages a couple of times a day to help reduce the dopamine hit the apps are trying to give you.
Only talk to a couple of people at a time so you don't get overwhelmed trying to keep track of too many conversations.
Decide ahead of time this is a great way to meet new people. You'll be surprised that changing your mindset and outlook will actually help you discover new people that you might be excited about.
Have realistic expectations. Don't swipe for a partner. Swipe for potential. Expand your horizons a little. Don't expect that just because you had a good chat with someone for a couple days or weeks that it is supposed to 'mean' something. Be open, be curious. And acknowledge that meeting and moving on are all part of the process.
Think of this as an investment in your future and don't worry about the sunk cost of lost time. When your favorite Netflix series ends you don't get mad that it's over and decide it was a waste of time. You pick a new show to invest in and start again. Same with meeting new people.
What would you add?
I have lots of ideas on how to do dating better. Most of our feeling stuck comes from thinking about our past experiences or fear of what will or won't happen in the future. I can help you move through both of those so you can enjoy dating and building a relationship even more.
Book a call with me today if you want to learn how to date better. I got you!
