Your resistance is causing you suffering

Something I have seen coming up a lot in my coaching lately is resistance.

Resistance to what is.

How often have you found yourself thinking something like:

• My co-worker should have done it X way, or my boss doesn't answer my emails quickly enough, or my supervisor should give me more feedback OR

• My partner watches too much tv, or he never asks me if I am having a good day, or he shouldn't leave me home with the kids on Saturday to go golfing OR

• My son should keep his room clean, or my daughter shouldn't be on her phone so much, or my mom should help watch her grandkids more

...and so on?

Do any of those sound familiar?

I'm sure they do.

This is how we've been trained to think: We think that if someone else would just be different or do things differently then we wouldn't have to suffer.

But how well has that approach worked for you so far?

Not at all, perhaps?

It doesn't work.

Why? Because in the same way you have an unwritten 'manual' about how things should go, so do they. And neither are inherently right or wrong. Who says your boss should answer all your emails in a certain amount of time? Maybe your boss would do better with a face-to-face chat. Who says your son or daughter need to keep their room picked up to hotel-grade standards? Lots and lots of people like to have their things out, especially kids. Who said your mom is supposed to help with her grandkids? Sure, some moms do. But not all moms. She's not required to. Other humans get to decide how they want to show up in the world. Even the ones we're related to.

Your suffering is not a product of people not acting the way you want them too.

It is in resisting how they actually are and in thinking they should be different.

Here's what works: Not resisting what is. Not thinking other people or circumstances should be any different than they actually are.

Once you let go of the framework of how you think things should be, you'll be able to find new ways of making progress, finding solutions, and building connections just the way things are.

Step one is to acknowledge the person you are actually dealing with, not the person you wish they were.

Need help?! I got you.