Do you know what you are looking for in a partner and relationship?

If you are dating and looking to be in a relationship (or already are in a relationship), do you know what it is you are looking for?

As one client said: "I'll know it when I see it."

NO! That is the wrong approach.

Here's why:

Have you seen the movies The Notebook or Runway Bride? In the Notebook I am reminded of the scene where Noah is asking Allie, "What do you want?! What do you want?!" And in Runaway Bride, Richard Gere's character asks Julia Robert's character, "What kind of eggs do you like?" Her response, "Whatever you're having."

In both of these scenes, the men are actually trying to get the women to say WHAT THEY WANT. To make a declaration. To want what they want! And I want that for you too.

Do you know what you want?! If you don't know what you are looking for, how will you know when you find it?

Too often we go out with someone trying to see if it 'fits' or to see if we 'vibe." But I think that is the wrong approach.

When we do that we are silently asking ourselves, "Could I be the person that fits with them?" rather than asking the more important question which is, "Could they be the person that fits with me?"

What if you decided ahead of time what kind of 1. person and 2. relationship you are looking for and then set out to find it?

That way it would be much easier to know it when you see it.

For me, I am looking for someone with long-term potential. Someone who I like as a friend first, who makes me laugh, who I enjoy sharing a little banter with over text, and who I want to spend time with as we get to know each other. I am no longer looking for lots of dates or hookups. (But if you are, that is great! Just know that is what you are looking for.)

I am looking for someone who is not recently out of a marriage or relationship (my experience tells me those folks are not ready for something serious). I am looking for someone who I think is smart, kind, and emotionally mature and available.

When I meet someone who doesn't have these things (or as I perceive them), I know they aren't a good fit and I can keep it moving. When I meet someone who does have these things, then I know it is someone I might be interested in getting to know better. This is my short list but you get the idea.

What is on your list? Do you know what you are looking for in a partner and a relationship? Set out your intention and see how your dating experience starts to change.

If you want my 20 Reasons You are Failing at Dating, send me a message I will send it your way.

Let's make dating fun again!