Why asking ‘why?’ is not a helpful question

I think asking 'why?' is a woman's greatest self-inflicted torture method.

Why?

Because it's doesn't lead to any helpful information AND it usually makes you feel like sh*t.

Why do we ask why?

Because we want to know:
* Why he didn't ask me out
* Why he doesn't like me
* Why we're not meeting up this weekend
* Why he didn't reply to my message
* Why he didn't answer my question
* Why he doesn't want to date me

... and so on.

What do all of these have in common? A couple of things.

First, they are unanswerable. Usually there is no good or satisfactory answer, at least not one that we'd like to hear. While spinning these questions over and over in your head might feel helpful, it only leads to dead ends and rumination and making you wonder what is wrong with you if another person isn't doing those things you want them to do.

Second, there might not be an answer. I have learned that people can like us a lot and still not be ready to engage in actual relationship building. They might not be ready, even if they think (or say) they are. And sometimes the person we're looking for an answer from might not have the answer themselves. This is a big one. We want answers from someone who doesn't really know what they want or why they are doing what they are doing.

Third, and most importantly, they all have one thing in common: the other person. Him (or her). Why does he want/think/act this way? And when we spend our time spinning on why someone else acts they way they do, we totally give up our authority to find the people who act in accordance with our values and our desires. If you want to date someone who stays in touch, asks you out, and makes plans for future get togethers, stop ruminating on the one who doesn't.

Need help getting out of asking 'why?' and into asking 'is this what I really want?' I'd love to help.