Why are you in a rush to get into a dating relationship?
Let's talk about dating when you are looking for a relationship. Specifically dating and thinking EVERY date should BECOME a relationship.
Why are we so quick to want to make every person we communicate with become something?
I can think of no other area of my life where this happens - not with friendships, connecting with work colleagues, etc.
So why do we do it in dating?
Why do we think that after spending two hours with someone we (or they) should know if they want to be in a relationship with us?!?
One of my besties and favorite people happens to be a gay guy I used to work with who is 9 years younger than me. He is even my daughter's godfather.
But you know what? We weren't instant besties. I didn't have one chat with him at the office for an hour and think we should start a lifelong relationship.
It developed slowly over time.
When I had the realization that my best friendships and relationships did not happen instantaneously, it changed how I looked at dating.
I have a lot of advice to offer in this area (stay tuned) but here's a few things I think about now when I am about to meet someone:
Not every meet up will turn into a relationship and that is fine. That's how it is supposed to go. It's a numbers game. There will be lots of no's to get to a yes. This doesn't mean anything is wrong.
I don't think about going on 'first dates' anymore. I just think about going on a 'meetup.' Slight change in terminology, but big difference in how I approach it. First dates seem to have a lot of expectations associated with them. Meetups are more like what I would do at work - meet someone for lunch or coffee to talk about a project and see if it clicks and we want to work together. Once I've had a first meet up with someone, then we decide if we want to have a first date doing something we would both enjoy.
On a first meet up, I just want to see if we click. If this is someone I enjoyed spending a few hours with. If this is someone I'd even want to be friends with. If I wouldn't want to be friends with them, I certainly wouldn't want to be dating them.
If it's a 'hell no,' it's a no. If is a 'maybe' or a 'yes' then I agree to go out again.
And finally, I just take it one meetup/date at a time. If I go out with someone for a couple of hours, all I need to decide is if I want to hang out with them again for a couple of hours. That's it! Repeat this approach over and over until eventually, if you keep hanging out with someone over and over - voila! - you might be dating them! But don't worry after one meetup if this is a person you want to be in a relationship with. Just take it one step at a time.
What do you think of this approach? If you are quick to jump into instant-relationships, I’d love to help you slow things down to create more meaningful connections.
