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My best advice.
Did you see the viral list of places women refuse go on a first date?
Have you seen the list that is going viral of places women ‘absolutely refuse’ to go on a first date?! If you think you are a high value woman (you should, because you are), you might think that a man should show you that he thinks you are too by taking you to an interesting or expensive restaurant. But doing that is the opposite of an empowered approach to dating!
Where can I meet men offline?
I see women posting online a lot asking, “I'm tired of dating apps! Where is a good place to meet men?” I am wondering if what they actually mean is, “Where is a good place for men to meet me?” Men are all around us. They are on dating apps, at grocery stores, sporting events, dog parks, etc. But I think what a lot of women are wondering is where can I meet a man who will actually come up to me, rather than having to take the initiative to say hi and break the ice themselves. Here are my top tips!
What do you do when you can’t stop thinking about someone after a breakup?
What do you do when you can't stop thinking about someone? What do you do when you have breakup remorse wondering if you should have made a different decision? I'll tell you what doesn't work: thinking 'I shouldn't be thinking about them' or replaying ‘what if’ scenarios in your mind over and over again.
Try these tips instead.
Why working with a relationship coach is better than dating alone
What happens when you hire me as your dating & relationship coach? 💘 You have access to someone who has done a lot of dating - and coached a lot of people who are dating - and knows all the pitfalls to avoid. I'll point out the common mistakes you are making and how to get out of dating despair faster… and so much more!
My ‘Single plus’ approach to dating
When I was younger and people wanted to set me up with someone, I would always say they had to be “single, plus something else." The something else being some particular reason that this person thought we would be a good fit - not just because we're both single.
One thing that drives me crazy about online dating
One thing that drives me crazy in my online dating experience is this: having to carry the conversation with men. I recently told two men on Hinge that I liked their profiles and would be interested in connecting and chatting. One replied, “Thank you. That's so kind of you.” The other wrote, “Hi Paige!” There was no question back, no inquiry about me, no indication they wanted to have a… conversation. Here’s what I do when this happens…
Why you should try Very Slow Dating
I'm trying something new and want to invite you to try it too. I'm calling it: Very Slow Dating. What is it?! Exactly what the name says. Slowing everything way down. Not rushing in. Not getting overly excited about anyone too quickly. NOT jumping into sex and intimacy (on purpose). This is the approach I have been subtly and not so subtly preaching about for a while. Read on for how I do it…
What does it look like? For me, it has looked this:
Dating doesn’t have to feel ‘weird’
What is it about going on a date or meeting someone new that makes women feel nervous? What makes us question what we're wearing, where we're going, and whether or not the person we're meeting will actually like us?! Why has this become the norm? And what can we do about it? I used to get a little nervous about going on dates too. But then I realized a few things that changed my outlook altogether.
On sex, pleasure and intimacy
Women have been taught conflicting things about sex. We were warned about the dangers of having sex, but also told it’s our job to attract men who want to have it with us. Women are also taught that our desire is only responsive to a man’s. And only by being desired by someone else should women feel sexual arousal of our own. Seeing your body only in service to someone else means many women don’t even know what they like or enjoy. We think we need to find the right partner to take us to the magical place of orgasm, not recognizing we can create the thoughts and feelings of sexual pleasure on our own.
The biggest difference between men and women dating
Here's what I think is the biggest difference between men and women who are dating: Generally speaking, most men are dating for dating. Most women are dating for a relationship. Lots of men who want to ‘get back out there’ and date after divorce or after a long-term relationship ends. This results in a series of short-term relationships and a lot of ‘dating.' Women, on the other hand, are typically dating for a ‘relationship.’ Most women are going on dates and sizing up what kind of long-term potential each person might have. Most women aren't dating just to be ‘dating.’
Are you in a relationship with someone you’re not ‘IN’ a relationship with?
Are you in a 'relationship' with someone you're not IN a relationship with? Are you texting someone regularly about kids and plans and exes, your day, their day, what you're both reading, watching or listening to, sending each other funny memes and articles you think they might be interested in… but you're not actually IN a relationship with this person? If so, why?
When a long-term friendship ends
One thing that I think doesn't get talked about enough is how women's long-term friendships can change in midlife. Broadly speaking, I think women have an idea if we have been friends with someone for 10, 20, 30, 40 years we will always be friends with them, and in the same capacity as we were before. But for so many women that just isn't the case. We might have to grieve the loss of the relationship we thought we would have with someone but also acknowledge the relationship that we do have with them, now.
What does it mean to be ‘selfish’?
What does it mean to be ‘selfish’? And why do you have to decide between being unselfish or allowing yourself to be ‘selfish’ once in a while? I would offer that maybe you don’t have to think about it in those terms. If you got rid of the word ‘selfish’ what would you put in its place instead?
Men only want ONE thing…
Raise your hand if you've ever thought, said out loud, or heard someone say, “Men only want SEX!” I see this sentiment shared online so often and it had me wondering… so what? So what if some men are only out there looking for sex? When you get upset that someone you had sex with no longer wants to date you, you completely give up your power as a woman. As Empowered Women, we don't participate in activities with other people and then get mad at them that we participated in those activities.
What are you afraid to feel?
What emotion do you avoid the most? What emotion is the hardest for you to feel? What emotion is the scariest for you? I have spent the last three years getting really intimate with emotions - mine and other peoples'. And here's the good news - emotions are not something to be afraid of. Usually, they are just our body's way of trying to help us access our inner wisdom. There is always something your emotions are trying to tell you (and it might not actually be what you think!).
I reject your rejection!
If someone ‘rejects’ us, we don't have to make it mean something about us. Often the worst part of ‘rejection’ is feeling like there is something inherently wrong with us if the other person didn't choose us for some reason. These thoughts are what fuel our hurt feelings when we think we've been rejected. You can borrow this line: I reject your rejection (of me)!
Dating apps are not the problem
I hear so many people say, “I hate dating apps!” “Dating apps suck!” “All the men/women/people on dating apps suck!" I've mumbled the same thing to myself a few times over the years. Never in the history of ever has it been easier to connect with people who are looking for love (or sex, or love + sex). Dating apps are just one way to do that. Dating apps are NOT the problem. Your thinking about using them IS.
The (other) biggest mistake you’re making in relationships
A big mistake people make in relationships: Expecting people to be different than they actually are. If you ever find yourself thinking, “They should just…” or “Why can't they just…” then that is a clue you might be thinking people should be different than they actually are. I find this applies not only to dating and partner relationships but also (especially) to long-term family and friend relationships.
The biggest mistake you’re making in new relationships
Are you someone who gets very invested in or very attached to new people quickly? I think that is a big mistake. Good relationships take time and shared experience to develop. Don’t rush into finding your next partner or bestie.
What the Little Mermaid teaches us about relationship anxiety
If you are a woman who feels anxious in dating, it's no wonder. You have been socialized for twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years to believe that your purpose in life should be to find a man to pick you. And if a man doesn't pick you, well, then… there must be something wrong with you. The Little Mermaid literally had to change everything about herself to get the guy. No wonder we feel stressed and anxious about being in a relationship.