Dating apps are not the problem

I hear so many people say, “I hate dating apps!” “Dating apps suck!” “All the men/women/people on dating apps suck!" 

Trust me, I've mumbled the same thing to myself a few times over the years. 

But dating apps are, by themselves, neutral. 

Dating apps are simply a modern solution to an age-old problem: where to meet people who are looking to date and possibly be in a relationship. 

Never in the history of ever has it been easier to connect with people who are looking for love (or sex, or love + sex). Dating apps are just one way to do that. Meeting in a plush lounge with people smoking cigarettes and wearing one-piece jumpsuits used to be another way. 

Dating apps are NOT the problem. Your thinking about using them IS.

Your feeling of discomfort around them comes from your thoughts that there is something inherently wrong with them, or with the people you find on them. When you think icky thoughts about something > you create icky feelings about that thing. This thought/feeling cycle is always working (in dating and in life!). 

So, if you think “dating apps suck” your experience of using them will be, well, sucky. On the other hand, if you think, “this is a great opportunity to meet new people" then your experience will be much different. You can decide how you want to use them to your advantage, rather than feeling like the whole experience is just a drag. 

“But there's no one good on dating apps!”

Really? Who do you think the people on the dating apps are? They are the same people you see at the grocery store, bars, restaurants, gyms, etc. Why do you think they are suddenly different if your first encounter of them is a picture instead of an in-person meeting? And how often are you meeting people in person at those places, anyway?

“They just aren't my type!”

Well, where are you looking? If you go to a cowboy bar, you're likely to find a lot of cowboys. Guys at a club like to go clubbing. Guys on a golf course like to… golf?! You might find a few straight people at a gay bar but that is not the clientele they are trying to attract. 

If you're not finding kind of people you are looking for on one app, try another. If you are looking for a relationship, maybe try an app that requires a financial commitment. Or simply feel confident in your ability to weed out the ‘not a good fit ones’ quickly on any app so you can find the ones who are. 

People are everywhere, you just have to be open to meeting them regardless of where or how it happens - dating apps included!

Need help dating better? Let's chat! That is the work I love to do!