I reject your rejection!

Many years ago, I was reading the book “What Should I Do With My Life” by Po Bronson and there was a line in there that has come back to me many times over the years:

“I reject your rejection!”

In this case, a young man was applying to college and one of the prestigious regional universities denied him admission. He wrote back to the Admissions Office informing them he wouldn't accept their rejection. He went to a local college for a year, worked on his grades, engaged in extra-curricular activities, and reapplied again the following year and was accepted. 

When I think about dating and relationships, I also love the “I reject your rejection!" sentiment (but probably not for the reason you think.)

I am NOT SUGGESTING when someone ‘rejects’ you that you should keep trying and keep applying until they accept you.

Do not do that!

I am suggesting that if someone ‘rejects’ us, we don't have to make it mean something about us. Often the worst part of ‘rejection’ is feeling like there is something inherently wrong with us if the other person didn't choose us for some reason. These thoughts are what fuel our hurt feelings when we think we've been rejected. 

But there is nothing wrong with you. Another person's decision doesn't have to be an indictment of you as a person. They are simply an adult making a decision about what is best for them at that point in their lives - which adults are totally allowed to do. 

So, what is the anecdote to rejection? 

It is allowing other people to have thoughts and opinions about us and not taking them on as our own. 

It is not making someone else's behavior or decision mean something about us as a person. 

It is allowing other people to choose who they want to spend time with and allowing ourselves to do the same (even if that means deciding not to spend time with family, friends, partners. etc.).

It is uncoupling your self-worth from other people's thoughts about you. 

You have the power to decide what you put in your mind and heart. Someone else's opinion can be totally rejected at the door!

You can borrow this line: I reject your rejection (of me)!

You got this!