The (other) biggest mistake you’re making in relationships

In my last post I shared what I think is the biggest mistake people make in new relationships which is getting invested too quickly. 

This week I want to share what I believe is the other biggest mistake people make in relationships (new or old): Expecting people to be different than they actually are.  

What does that mean? 

• It means expecting people will show up with openness and emotional maturity when they literally don't know how or are not emotionally mature. 

• It means expecting people to tell you why they don't want to date you or aren't ready for a relationship when they aren't able to explain it to themselves. 

• It means wanting someone to act or behave in a way that they have consistently shown you they are not capable of behaving. 

If you ever find yourself thinking, “They should just…” or “Why can't they just…” then that is a clue you might be thinking people should be different than they actually are. 

I find this applies not only to dating and partner relationships but also (especially) to long-term family and friend relationships. 

One of my favorite quotes that actually changed how I operate as a person is from Elizabeth Gilbert (I think): "You have to stop going to the hardware store for milk."

If you keep going to the same person expecting them to be different than they actually are, then you are responsible for your sadness, anger and frustration when they aren't able to give you what you want. 

You keep going to the hardware store for milk. 

I'd love to know how this resonates for you. Whose hardware store are you going to for milk? Where else do you think you can find what you need instead? (Hint: Think about how you can give yourself what it is you are looking for from someone else.)

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