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Good advice.
When friendship feels hard
Women are good at supporting each other but we often haven't learned how to deal with discomfort and repair in the relationship *between* each other. And when there is discomfort or disrepair, it feels like a great loss because in every other area we thought this person was so close to us. Here's what to do about it.
When a long-term friendship ends
One thing that I think doesn't get talked about enough is how women's long-term friendships can change in midlife. Broadly speaking, I think women have an idea if we have been friends with someone for 10, 20, 30, 40 years we will always be friends with them, and in the same capacity as we were before. But for so many women that just isn't the case. We might have to grieve the loss of the relationship we thought we would have with someone but also acknowledge the relationship that we do have with them, now.
The (other) biggest mistake you’re making in relationships
A big mistake people make in relationships: Expecting people to be different than they actually are. If you ever find yourself thinking, “They should just…” or “Why can't they just…” then that is a clue you might be thinking people should be different than they actually are. I find this applies not only to dating and partner relationships but also (especially) to long-term family and friend relationships.
I quit putting labels on my relationships
I have decided to let go of labeling my relationships. We often ask ourselves, “What is this?" or “What are we?” when talking about romantic partners (and even our relationships with our family members sometimes) but I don't find those questions to be that useful. We think that if we have a label on our relationship with someone (he or she is my partner, spouse, boyfriend/girlfriend, friend with benefits, etc.) that it is supposed to mean something about the state of our relationship with that person. It gives us a container to operate within. Letting go of labels will help you let go of the expectation you have that comes along with the label and allow you to just experience the relationship for what it is.
Why I am so passionate about this work
I have been married and divorced. I've done a lot of dating. And one of the themes I notice when I look back on all of that is an exorbitant amount of anxiety related to my relationships. Or lack of relationships. Or situationships. And in the last few years (since I was introduced to coaching), my anxiety about my relationships with other people has diminished tremendously and confidence in and comfort with myself has increased tenfold. I no longer get anxious if I am waiting for a text from someone I am interested in. If I have a question about the status of a relationship, I ask the person rather than conjecturing with nine of my friends. My relationship with my ex is a thousand times better than it ever was. But he didn't change. I changed. And I want this for you!