Dating doesn’t have to feel ‘weird’
What is it about going on a date or meeting someone new that makes women feel nervous?
What makes us question what we're wearing, where we're going, and whether or not the person we're meeting will actually like us?!
Why has this become the norm? And what can we do about it?
I used to get a little nervous about going on dates too. But then I realized a few things that changed my outlook altogether:
The people you meet on dates are just… people. Just like you might meet someone new at a work or meet another parent from your kid's soccer team. We're all just humans. There's nothing special about a man you're meeting on a date versus anywhere else you might meet someone.
If I can talk to someone at work, I can talk to someone on a date. There's nothing different about chatting with someone on a date versus anywhere else. Conversation is conversation.
I quit worrying about what to wear and instead started dressing like I would if I was going out with my girlfriends (which, for me, is usually some form of jeans and a cute top, or leggings and a cute sweatshirt for a Saturday coffee). When I think of my dates with men like I think of dates with my friends, it releases a lot of pressure and expectation and feels a lot more fun going into meeting someone.
I quit worrying about whether the person I was meeting would like me. I learned the better question instead was, “Do I like them?” With my laid back approach to dating, I had lots of men who thought we had a great date and wanted to see me again. I, of course, did not always feel the same way. I learned over many years of dating that my vote is the only one that matters.
I started thinking of first dates as ‘meetups’ and only after a successful meetup would I think about having a first date. This may seem like a technicality, but it really helped me. First meetups are Date Zero. They aren't a date, per se, but more of a vibe check to see if you want to go on a date that both people would enjoy and look forward to. Start with a meet up, then have a date if you're interested!
Once you stop thinking of men you go on dates with as unique species that require some sort of special conversation and adornment, you will have a much better time with them. And you'll be much clearer in your decision if you don't want to go on any more dates with them.
Want to get out of dating anxiety and into dating confidence? Sign up for one-on-one or small group How to Date Better coaching with me today!
