What else could be true?

With the holidays upon is, we have more obligations, more family time, longer school breaks, and more opportunities for people to be frustrated. 

We also have more opportunities to feel slighted if other people aren't acting according to the 'manual' of how we think they should. 

If you find yourself stuck thinking about someone else's behavior and what you're making it mean to you, here is a simple exercise you can try:

Ask yourself, "what else could be true?"

Put another way, you can look for evidence of the opposite.

What does that mean? 

That means that if your best friend didn't return your call and you think they are mad at you, ask yourself, "What else could be true?" (She might be having issues at home, feel overwhelmed getting ready for the holidays, having a fight with her parents or partner, and so on.)

If your partner doesn't seem like they are showing you they love you because they didn't do that one thing you wanted them to, start looking for evidence of how they do show you they care. (Start noticing the things they are doing that show they love you, instead of focusing on the ones they didn't - you might be surprised at what you find. Warming up the car? Picking up dinner that night you were getting home late from work? Asking if you want to watch that show you like? Starting the coffee in the morning? All are evidence of someone who cares.)

If your boss at work sends an email that feels unfriendly, ask "What else could be true?" (She might have been sending the message off quickly to get things done before the holiday, she might be trusting that you know what needs to be done and didn't need to elaborate, she might have been distracted with the 1,042 other things we're all dealing with right now.)

If it seems like all your child wants to do is whine, look for evidence of when they are being good. (This can be especially helpful with children. Let go of the narrative that all they do is complain. Focus on the times when they are being fine, neutral or good and reaffirm that behavior, both for you and for them.)

We all make up stories in our head about what we think someone else's behavior means. But...there's a good chance we might be wrong about that, or at least what they meant it to mean. 

When we let go of the negative stories, we make room for curiosity and connection. And, most importantly, we don't waste our own precious energy ruminating and feeling bad in the process. 

If you are tired of ruminating about other people's behavior and what it means to you - I can help you with that. You can change your relationship with other people without them even knowing it!

I am here for you.  Let’s get started!