Why I don’t kiss on the first date
Have you ever fantasized—or worried—about kissing someone on a first date? After countless first dates, I’ve decided to let go of the pressure to kiss on the first meeting entirely. Here’s why:
The Purpose of the First Meeting
Before even considering a first date, I recommend having a first meet up. Think of it as a vibe check—a chance to see if there’s enough connection to warrant spending more time together. It’s a ‘can they hold a conversation’ check. An hour to see if you want to spend another hour with them again. You're just looking to see if this is someone you might want to kiss in the future. That's it. It’s not about romance or physical chemistry just yet. It’s about figuring out if this person is interesting, engaging, and worth a second meeting.
Kissing on a First Date Doesn’t Tell us Much
Over time, I’ve realized kissing on a first date isn’t the ultimate goal. Early dates are for discovering compatibility, mutual interests, and whether attraction exists. Being a great kisser doesn’t tell us anything about someone’s honesty, kindness, or reliability—qualities that matter in a long-term partner. Those are the things you only find out as you are getting to know someone. So, you need to get to know them. Save the make out sesh for another day. The attraction will still be there when you are ready, and by then you will have slightly vetted the other person you're going to be locking lips with. 💋
The Same Goes for Sex
Physical intimacy is deeply personal and can be fulfilling in the moment. But if you’re seeking a meaningful connection, leading with sex can blur the lines between physical and emotional intimacy. Before taking that step, ask yourself how you’d feel if you never heard from this person again. If the answer is hurt, angry, or used, it may be better to wait. Sex is just sex. Until it is not. Save the sex for when both the physical and emotional intimacy are aligned. Or have sex because you want to! But not in exchange for a relationship which you haven't actually built yet.
Focus on the Right Things
Instead of stressing over the possibility of a kiss, use the first few meetups to explore:
Do they share your sense of humor?
Are they polite, kind, and thoughtful?
Do they ask about you, or just talk about themselves?
Are they still emotionally tied to a past relationship?
Do you enjoy their company enough to see them again?
The Result
By taking this approach, I have drastically decreased my own feelings of anxious attachment and increased my discernment in who I actually want to spend my time with. Save the physical connection for when you’ve had a chance to ensure they’re truly worth your time.
Changing the way you approach dating can make the process a lot less stressful and a lot more enjoyable.
Are you ready to get out of dating anxiety and into dating confidence? Let’s chat!
👉 Schedule a FREE call with me here to start your dating transformation today!
