Why asking, “Why do they act that way?” won’t help you (and what will)
Have you ever asked a friend (or people on the internet) why someone did something that you just don't understand?
It might sound something like:
We were having great conversation back and forth, then we went out this weekend, and now the conversation fell off. What happened? What did I do wrong?
Every time we visit my mother-in-law, she acts like I'm not there. Why do you think she is like this?
The person I’m seeing only texts at noon and 4 p.m., never wants to talk on the phone, and can only meet one night a week. Why does he act like this?
Sound familiar? We’re constantly asking others to help us understand someone’s baffling behavior.
But honestly, asking “why” is often a waste of time and energy.
Here’s why:
It’s all just guesswork. When you ask others for explanations, they’re offering guesses based on their own experiences, not your specific situation. Their advice is likely influenced by their beliefs, biases, and personal history—none of which truly reflect your relationship.
It shifts focus to them, not you. Hypothesizing about someone’s actions makes you search for meaning where there may be none. Sometimes, their behavior simply signals they’re not a good fit. Understanding ‘why’ won’t change that fact.
You lose your power. When you dwell on why someone behaves a certain way, you’re surrendering your ability to decide what you want in a relationship. Instead of defining your own standards, you’re reacting to someone else’s unpredictable behavior.
What to Do Instead:
Ask the person directly. If the relationship matters to you, seek clarity by having an open and honest conversation.
Decide what works for you. If their behavior doesn’t align with what you want in a relationship, it’s okay to step away. You don’t need to justify your decision or make it about their shortcomings—you simply know what’s right for you.
Reclaim Your Time and Energy
I choose not to engage in relationships that are inconsistent, unreliable, or lack mutual effort—regardless of the reasons behind their behavior.
Here is what I want for you:
To feel empowered and connected in your relationships
To confidently ask for what they want instead of waiting for others to meet their need
To invest time in people who truly matter, creating space for fulfilling, reciprocal connections
If this resonates with you and you’re ready to stop wondering ‘why’ and start feeling more empowered in your relationships, I’d love to help.
Need help letting go of wondering 'why' and stepping into more connected and empowered? Let’s chat!
👉 Grab a FREE call with me here.
