Why I don’t tell my friends about who I am dating

Do you like to tell your girlfriends about all the people you are talking to or are going on dates with - who they are, what they look like, what they do, how many kids they have, what their ex looks like, and whatever other intel you could dig up on the internet? The conversation might then turn to how you'll look together as a couple and where you'll live and what your babies are going to look like. 

I used to do that too.

Here's why I (mostly) stopped doing that:

When we tell our friends about the people we are connecting with and interested in dating, we're already putting a stake in having an investment in that person and a potential relationship. We're saying, “I'm interested in this person… and maybe this could be the one!" 

Then if (when) it doesn't work out we have to tell everyone that we're no longer excited about that person and why: he didn't like me, I didn't like him, the sex was bad, we didn't click in person, the schedules didn't work out, etc. 

This telling and retelling and getting invested and then uninvested in people over and over again can get exhausting. And it might subtly make you feel like you're doing something wrong, or that there is something wrong with you. That one of these guys or gals you've gone on dates with should work out and be the one you've been waiting for.

My approach, now: I don't tell anyone about who I am talking to. I connect with and message and meet people without any input from others. I make my own decision about whether they might be a good fit for me, and about whether we had a good connection in person. I go on a few dates and see if someone has potential before telling my friends about them. Maybe even more than a few dates. 
 

By doing this my ability to decide who is a good fit for me has gotten stronger. I've let go of the need to explain myself to my friends about why someone is no longer in the lineup, and I've gotten clearer about who I am looking for and don't worry at all about the ones that aren't a match for me. 

You always need to have your own back and be your own best judge of character. Letting go of wanting that feedback from friends can be very powerful!
 

Let me know if you've tried this as well and what a difference it has made for you.