Stop Asking “What is wrong with me?”

How come when someone chooses not to be with us our first thought is always some version of “What's wrong with me?" “What did I do wrong?” or "Why doesn't he (or she) like me?” 

I'll tell you why…

Because as women we are socialized to think that our highest and best value comes from being chosen by another person. And when we aren't chosen, we think it's our fault. That if somehow we can figure out what is wrong with us that we can change who we are for the next person so that maybe they will like us and want to be with us. 

We think if we can get ourselves to be ‘just right’ then surely someone will love us.

But that supposes that other people get to decide who we are supposed to be in order to make them happy. This never works in the long term.

If you are always changing who you are for the validation of someone else, you contort yourself into an unrecognizable version of yourself then feel confused when that person decides not to be with you. You'll think, “I did everything he wanted so he would like me and since he doesn't like me, there must be something wrong with me.” If he didn't like me, no one will like me. 

Let me tell you: There is nothing wrong you with. You are perfect exactly the way you are. The only thing you need to work on is loving yourself fiercely so that you're not constantly looking to become ‘lovable’ by someone else. 

When we do this, we will attract the people who are a good match for us, not the people who want us to become something we are not to be a good match for them. 

My mission is to help women get out of anxiety and into self-confidence when it comes to dating and relationships. 

Let's get started!