To get a direct answer, you need to ask a direct question
Do you find yourself ruminating about how someone else feels about you, what they want in a relationship with you, or why they act the way they do?
If so, I have a solution* for you: Ask them.
If you want a direct answer you have to ask a direct question.
Not a ‘beat around the bush about it' question. Not an ‘if I say this, maybe he/she will say that’ question. Not a presumptuous question. Not a leading question. Not a closed ended (yes or no) question.
A direct, to the point, open-ended, tell me point blank how you feel question.
Why don't we do this more often?
I think it's because we are afraid of what the answer might be. We're afraid if we ask someone ‘what kind of relationship do you want to have with me?’ or ‘what do you see our future together like?" the answer might not be the one we want to hear. So, we bury our head in the sand. We don’t want to upset the status quo.
Instead, we silently suffer wondering and catastrophizing, making up stories about what may or may not be true at all. (And possibly missing out on the answer we do want to hear as well!)
I love asking people direct questions and getting honest answers. Even if it is information I don't really want to hear, I want to hear it.
Why?
Because then I have something to work with. I have data. I have information I can act on.
There is such freedom in this approach.
Just know that when you take this approach, you need to be open to receiving whatever answer is given to you. And know that you will be ready and able to handle any answer you may receive.
*(Why did a put an * by solution above? Well, this relies in some part on the person you are in conversation with being honest with you about their feelings. If they aren't willing to answer in an open and honest way, that is good information to pay attention to as well.)
Do you need help in finding the courage to ask direct questions to get direct answers? Do you need support in being ready to receive any answer? I can help you with that!
