How come when someone chooses not to be with us our first thought is always some version of “What's wrong with me?" “What did I do wrong?” or "Why doesn't he (or she) like me?”

Because as women we are socialized to think that our highest and best value comes from being chosen by another person. We think if we can get ourselves to be ‘just right’ then surely someone will love us.

But that supposes that other people get to decide who we are supposed to be in order to make them happy. This never works in the long term.