How to believe in your goals (Part 2)

Jan 1

In my last post I shared with you how to set your goals for the new year. If you missed it, you can read it here.

The short version is Step One: You stand in the future and write about what you've accomplished in the past year, in the past tense, as if it is already done.

Step Two is this: you have to work on believing you are the person who will accomplish those goals.

What does that mean? And why?

The one thing that will get you over the finish line is believing you are the person who will do the thing you set out to do.

If you want to lose ten pounds, but your belief is "It's hard for me to lose weight" or "I can never lose weight" or "I'm always tempted by sweets" you are going to be the person who can't lose the weight because you believe it is hard for you to lose the weight.

If you want to increase your income but your belief is "I don't have any marketable skills" "It's hard to find good jobs here/there/anywhere" or " I can't find a good job to accommodate my schedule" you will absolutely, undoubtedly not find a new and better paying job (or create one for yourself!) in the new year. Also, you'll miss out on finding there are other ways you can increase your income.

If you want have better relationships with your mother/father/sister/brother but your belief is "They don't listen to me" "Nobody cares about me" or "My mother/father/sister/brother always get their way" then you are setting yourself up for having the same kind of relationship you have always had with them and nothing will change because you are outsourcing your ability to change those relationships by focusing on the other people instead of on yourself.

If you want to find an amazing partner and enjoy dating but your belief is "Dating sucks" "There are no good men/women where I live" or "I never have good luck in dating" then - hey! - guess what?! You will absolutely have a shitty year dating and I can guarantee you will not find an amazing partner while you're at. Sounds fun.

Do you see the pattern? Your beliefs about what is possible for your life literally create what you have in your life. If you want to have something different, you have to believe something different.

You have to believe it to become it.

How do you do that?

You decide ahead of time what you want to believe about yourself and then PRACTICE believing it.

Here are some belief examples:

I am a disciplined person
I am a person who is ready to release what is no longer serving me
I can do things that seem hard even if it makes me uncomfortable
I am a person who loves my body and will treat it kindly and with compassion
I am a person who creates wealth
I am a person who offers value at every job I have
It is okay for me to have my own values and beliefs even if my family has other values
I am a person who stands up for myself
I am a person who is willing to try new things
I am willing to feel discomfort to create a life and relationships I love
I am focused on my goals
I am self-confident
I always have my own back
I am open to finding love

... and so on.

Do you see the difference between these beliefs and the shitty beliefs above? The first ones are telling your brain that you and everything else sucks and you have no control over the outcome.

The second set carries you through in your belief in yourself and your ability to create a life you love on purpose. It tells your brain that you are amazing and that you can do the things you set out to do. It is telling yourself you will always have your own back.

Do this: Go back to your list of goals for 2023 (or beyond!) and write down what your current thoughts are about your ability to achieve them. Or what they have been in the past. Or what you think might trip you up in achieving them.

Then, write down what you would need to believe about yourself in order to become the person who achieves those goals.

You can use my list above for examples but find the beliefs that resonate for you!

A big one for me in the coming year will be practicing the belief that I am willing to go through the discomfort it will take to reach my goals. (Growth requires discomfort!).

And then...... practice, practice, PRACTICE!!

Read them every day. Set them as reminders on your phone. Put them on a post-it on your desk or bathroom mirror. Lean into them. Don't just say them, you have to practice believing them. Eventually, you will!

Your brain has hard-wired neural pathways that have been practicing your crappy thoughts for a long time. The good news is your brain is the most flexible computer on the planet and you can create new pathways just by practicing new beliefs!

Once you have these new beliefs about yourself and your life, you will find new opportunities you didn't know existed, and answers will come to you that you might have seen or considered before.

For example, you might not yet know how you are going to increase your income but if you believe in your value and your worth and lead from that belief, you will see opportunities you might otherwise have missed.

The same is true with dating. If you turn on the dating apps believing you are going to meet good people who are interested in finding a relationship, you will find the good people who are interested in finding a relationship without all the drama of having to sort through the ones that aren't.

And best of all, while Step Two is an important part of meeting your goals for the coming year, it is actually the most critical piece for changing your life.

Try it and report back!