What is your vision for your relationship?

I have to share this wisdom from a new client I was coaching yesterday.

It's about vision.

This person was contemplating the question of whether to stay in their marriage and I shared the following exercise that I found helpful with my ex-spouse:

When we were knee deep in couples counseling and the therapist was going back and forth between us, I finally interrupted the session and asked my then husband this question:

"What is your vision for our marriage?"

He gave it a minute and - no joke - spent about 20 minutes responding about how it was important for him to provide for his family through his work and be a good father and provide for his family and be a good father and provide for his family and be a good father...

Twenty minutes.

And in that time what he did not say were the words "Paige" "marriage" "partner" or "spouse" in any way shape or form.

The therapist seriously looked dumbfounded.

So, I asked again.

"Matt, specifically to us, and our marriage, together... what is your vision?"

Same response.

I sat back.

I had my answer.

In that moment I knew that with all of the counseling and therapy in the world, we were not going to the same place. (My answer would have been I want to have great friendship and partnership with my spouse, that we enjoy spending time together and then everything else - kids, work, etc. - follow from there.)

This is when I knew I had to make a decision: Did I want to stay in a marriage with a partner who didn't value a 'partner' relationship or did I want to take what was behind Door Number Two and not be in a marriage with that person but not knowing what kind of future awaited me.

As most of you know, I chose Door Number Two.

In the same way, if you are dating, do you know what you are looking for? Do you have a vision for the kind of relationship you would like to have?

If you're dating and trying to decide if each person you go out with could be a good fit, you're doing it wrong.

Decide what you want ahead of time so you will know it when you see it and can more quickly and easily filter out the people who do not fit your vision.

Need help? I am here to help you! Sign up to work with me so we can get you on the path of creating a life and relationships you love on purpose!