Spending hours on the phone before meeting someone might feel like a great way to build a connection—but in reality, you’re just creating an illusion of intimacy. You don’t know this person yet, and long conversations can lead to filling in the gaps with who you want them to be. Here’s what to do instead.

When dating, it’s easy to fill in the gaps with who you want someone to be instead of seeing them for who they actually are. You ask a few questions, hear what you like, and suddenly your mind starts building a whole story about them. But here’s the truth: you can’t know who someone truly is until they show you. Here’s what to do instead.