Sometimes we can look to people outside of ourselves for inspiration. But sometimes we look to others as a source of comparison, which may not feel good and, more importantly, Sometimes we can look to people outside of ourselves for inspiration. But sometimes we look to others as a source of comparison, which may not feel good and, more importantly, is probably not helpful. This is what we call 'compare and despair'. If you find your thoughts wandering to what other couples seem to have ask yourself: what is it you want more of in your own relationship, or future relationship? What do you think is missing? And how are you standing in your own way to get it?