I have been coaching a lot on the relationships we have with our mothers lately (my own included) and want to offer you the following: Most of our suffering comes from our thinking that our mothers should be different than they are. All of the things you are thinking about your mom and how she is disappointing you, hard to connect with, too demanding, too detached, not helpful enough with your kids, or how she should have done a ‘better’ job raising you — those are just thoughts. They are not facts. And they are thoughts that make us feel bad as if somehow we were cheated in the maternal lottery. But here's the thing - moms get to ‘mom’ however they see fit.