Stop giving them the benefit of the doubt in dating

Let’s talk about something I see way too often: Giving people the benefit of the doubt. 

Especially early in dating.
Especially when someone’s behavior is inconsistent.
Especially when you want to believe in someone's (or a relationship's) potential.

As women, many of us have been taught to do this—to be understanding, to accommodate, to assume the best.
And while that might work in long-term friendships or committed relationships where trust has already been earned, in early dating?

It’s costing you time, energy, and emotional peace.

Here’s how it usually looks:

You meet someone. It feels promising.
They’re messaging regularly, showing up, making plans…
And then suddenly:

…Slower replies

… Less engagement

… Vague energy
… A weird shift you can’t quite explain

 And your response?
… Maybe he’s just busy.
… Maybe he’s stressed.
… Maybe he’s bad at texting.
… Maybe I should just be patient.

NOPE!

You don’t need to make excuses for someone you barely know.
You don’t need to overextend your compassion to someone who’s showing you they’re not all in.

Pay attention, not excuses.

This is where I see so many women spin out: 
They spend days—or weeks—trying to figure out what he is thinking, why he went quiet, and what she should do to get things “back on track.”

But here’s the deal:
If someone is inconsistent, avoidant, or emotionally distant—
That’s not someone to decode.
That’s someone to let go.

This isn’t about being cold. It’s about being clear.

This kind of behavior usually isn’t “a rough patch.”
It’s not a fluke.
It’s a preview of what's to come.

And your time is too valuable to waste on potential.

So, what should you do instead?

✅ Pay attention to how people show up consistently—not just at the beginning.
✅ Resist the urge to “understand” someone who isn’t actually trying to connect with you.
✅ Stop giving second (and third) chances to people who haven’t earned a first one.

Let’s stop the over-accommodating.

You’re not being mean.
You’re being wise.
You’re preserving your energy for someone who’s actually showing up, and for yourself, in the meantime.

👉 If you’re stuck wondering whether you’re expecting too much, overthinking every interaction, or making excuses for someone who just isn’t showing up, let’s talk. We’ll get clear on what you’re doing right, where you might be giving too much away, and how to stop wasting your time on the wrong people—without second-guessing yourself.

Schedule a FREE Dating Debrief Call with me here.

You don’t need to give anyone else the benefit of the doubt.
You just need to start giving it to yourself.

Happy Dating! You got this!